When I was in my mid-50s, I was single, happy, and ready to meet the love of my life. I didn’t know where to start. I didn’t go to clubs and I had been in the same job for years. Friends tried to set me up, but it was awkward, risky, and didn’t offer me much chance to select for myself.
I had seen ads about online dating. I went to a website and signed up. It took two years and many encounters to finally meet the woman who would become my wife. In that experience, I learned a lot about myself and about the process of online dating “in the gray.”
While I am not a big fan of a free dating app, still I thought I should try out modern technique for once in order to move on with times and I found a mine of information in this regard and dating suddenly felt like child’s play to be and the very thought that I am way too old to be indulging into something like this slipped from my mind.
Here are some tips:
Embrace the experience. If you choose to participate in online dating, see it as an adventure and something that will pay off. Your attitude is everything in the way you approach the process and the people you meet.
Be Selective. Go in knowing what you are–and are not–looking for in a potential partner. Say yes only to what feels true to you, and be able and willing to say no if you see red flags. It will save you much time, energy, and hurt feelings (yours and theirs).
Be Patient. I literally met scores of women. I had single and multiple dates, and I even fell in love a couple of times, only to have the relationships end within months. Keep your head up and your eyes on the prize.
Be Smart. Exchange emails and texts at first. Get a sense of who the other person is and what his or her situation is. Again, watch for red flags and do not overlook or excuse them. Next, talk on the telephone. When you are ready to meet someone, set up short dates at first. Meet for coffee rather than for a meal (you can always run to a restaurant when the coffee date soars). Always be yourself. And look for the same in the other person.
Be truthful, thoughtful and courteous. If you follow the first guideline, you are happy and excited to be dating. You are dealing with other human beings, who have lives, troubles, and feelings. Everything you say and do makes a difference to someone else. Tell the truth upfront. Don’t display a photo of yourself taken 20 years ago. Don’t make up stories about your experience. If trust is broken in the first few moments, anything resembling a relationship from then on is on shaky ground. You will have to reject another person and you will be rejected by another person. It is part of the process. Do it nicely and try not to take it personally. Move on to the next person who has captured your eye and imagination. Expect an interesting, enlightening, and sometimes frustrating experience.
Online dating can work. I found my best friend, playmate, and lover in the process. Yours is out there, waiting for you online.
